What's wrong with this picture?

Tonight I had a struggle of vast proportions. It was the end of the day, I had sufficiently dirtied myself up gardening. I looked like hell but nobody is really paying attention, that I know of. Although I often imagine the neighbors are all saying that I have gone down hill since I lost my job. That is definitely the case. But, on the other hand, the very glorious other hand, I love my life right now! I live in cute-ville with a good man and I am FREE to garden or do anything I want...for the first time in my life since I was a kid! Yippie for me! I watched a show on TV last night talking about aging and one thing that hit me was that they said people who turn 50 are less stressed! Old people are REALLY not stressed! Finally, something is actually good about this! Although if anybody tries to put me in a nursing home, my stress level will exceed the combination of all the stress I have had in this lifetime!

As my story continues, tonight I took a lovely shower in our spa like bathroom, wrapped up in the fluffy large white spa-like towel, wrapped my hair in a big brown towel and then I got ready to put on my nightly face creams. This is where it got very dark. I had run out of my special facial creams so my good and always a hero, husband, purchased for me a three pack of the exact three items I needed at Sam's Club! We are talking big bucks here! I mean almost $100.00!

Well I went to get my 3 pack of face creams and was ready to open a jar and apply the creams to my thirsty facial tissues! Well THAT wasn't going to happen any time soon! You know when you purchase things, like toys for instance, how it comes hermetically sealed in that heavy duty plastic. Well, my creams were encased in the utensil defying plastic and I couldn't get at them. I used knives, scissors, but this bastard of a package was not giving in one iota. I think it took me at least 20 minutes to get to ONE of the three items in this package. My hands were scratched and bordering on bloody. I struggled with the 2nd item for close to 30 minutes until I got it out! Oh! And to make things even more dastardly, not only can you not get the plastic off in a big enough section to even inch out the item you are trying desperately to reach...they have GLUED the product to the back of the plastic it's encased in! MEAN! That's just MEAN!

My thought is that FOR SURE, somewhere in this plastic, is a hidden microchip with a camera in it and as soon as I attempted to open the package the camera automatically goes on and sends a live feed to the people who seal up these plastic packages! I know they were doubled over in laughter, probably even still laughing as I write this! In case any of you are wondering, the THIRD cream is STILL in the package and I cannot get it out! I'll have to have my husband and his man tools rip that sucker open! If Superman was real, I'd have to have summoned him to open my damn package! I realize you don't bother Superman for just anything but it would only take him a half a second to open my package then he could fly off and help a REALLY needed person! Not to mention that today, for once, my hands didn't hurt from arthritis but they sure as hell did AFTER all the exertion I put upon them to open that damn plastic covering so I could get at my purchases! It certainly ruined the spa relaxed feeling I was enjoying just moments before.

Let me tell you another sign of getting old. Yesterday I sat outside in the yard ALL DAY long. What was I doing you ask? I was taking photos of birds - ALL DAY! But it wasn't at all boring because I had a plan to communicate what I wanted the birds to do so I'd get cute photos every time! Well, I got myself a LARGE supply of meal worms and I would arrange cute scenarios and then plant the meal worms somewhere near the objects I wanted them to land on and just like that...CUTE PHOTO OPPORTUNITY! I rock in the bird looking cute sitting on something department! Mealworms are like brownie sundaes to the bird community. My point is, I cannot even imagine, when I was younger, having the patience or DESIRE to place squirmy meal worms here and there so that birds would land on the items next to it! More proof that I Have Turned into a Old Person!

Right now I'm eating a sandwich composed of killer good bread with lots of texture and inside my sandwich is a HUGE ass tomato, 8 inches of sprouts and some tasty green pepper and a little mayo! I can only imagine that most of you will run to Lorenzo's Truck Stop on the Green and ask the waitress to see if she can whip up this same sandwich for you! My teeth are totally packed in sprouts as I write this! Who wants to kiss me? OMG! I just realized, I'm also at the point when my sandwich appeals more to me than a long kiss! There was a time when I wouldn't even eat I'd be so excited about getting a kiss. I'm gone! Hello! The person I used to be has left the building!

Ok, let's lighten this up...imagine doing THIS...As you know I garden, I needed more plants. A trip to the Garden emporium in my area was warranted. I got a cart, I spent over an hour drooling over the plants, I spent waaaaaaaaaaay to much money on something that's going to die sometime before winter and I went out to my car. I opened the trunk, put in several containers of my flowers and then closed the trunk and went to open my side door. I tried and tried and tried to get the doors open but they wouldn't open. Finally, I looked inside the car and realized that this car with my flowers in the trunk, WASN'T MINE. Shit. Danger Zone Ahead! I saw my car across the isle from this one and realized I better move my ass and get my flowers out of this OTHER PERSON's car before they see me! Who knew that my car key would open some other person's trunk! Insane! Totally perspiring HARD at this point.

If this wasn't bad enough, I also had purchased two glass globe deals to put in my garden. On the way to the car, one of the globes fell on the ground and I didn't notice until I got home that the backside of it was completely broken and smashed in. And no...I didn't take it back. What would I have said? "I was involved in a struggle and this glass globe I just purchased from your store tried to kill me!" "I demand a new one!" I don't see any of the scenarios I could come up with where the end result is that they want me to have a new globe free of charge. Maybe if I had held on to it with my hand instead of placing it precariously on top of a pile of other stuff in my cart...